The Relationship Artist: Creating Love

What makes you happy? How do you want to look? What kind of house or car do you want to own? And what kind of relationship do you want to be in? Visualize yourself in each of these situations and paint the picture of your next moment. Think about these snapshots as much as you can, everyday. I know, our third grade teacher told us to stop 'daydreaming' in class, but what you may not realize is that those dreams shaped much of our future. Daydreams feel good to us.....they are comfortable and fun. But let's turn our escapism into something constructive. Let's turn those fantasies into realities. You don't have to wander off inside your head and neglect your responsibilities, but when you picture yourself, which we do dozens of times a day, think of the "you" you want to be.

Choosing an image of yourself and seeing your life in a different light will begin to change your future. Your body, your world, and your attitudes toward yourself will be how you want them. Tell yourself "I'm beautiful" and visualize how you want to look. Tell yourself "I'm great" and picture yourself as great. Tell yourself "I know that I can do anything' and visualize what you want to do and what you want to be. Your reality will change accordingly. You are in control of which way your life will turn. No one else can do that for you. That's the real beauty of being human. We have the power of creation.

Over time, you will begin to wholeheartedly believe it. You will see the changes in your life, your job, and your social life. You will see changes in the way you speak and feel. You will see someone different in the mirror. You know you can do anything you want and be anything you want to be. You will be the whole and complete individual that's important to a solid relationship. Of course, when you believe it's true, so will everyone else. You will be great and the world will know it. When all the pieces fit together, the beautiful landscape of your life will be there for all to see. Someone else with similar beliefs in themselves will take notice. They will be attracted to your great attitude, positive outlook, and completeness of soul. They will find you a "kindred spirit" and want to be closer. This is how you will create the relationship you need.

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The Relationship Artist: Finding Love On A Subway

CANBERRA (Reuters) - A modern-day love story of a man spotting the
girl of his dreams across a New York subway train and tracking her
down over the Internet has failed to have a fairytale ending with the
relationship over.

For Web designer Patrick Moberg, then 21, from Brooklyn, it was love
at first sight when he spotted a woman on a Manhattan train last
November. But he lost her in the crowd so he set up a website with a
sketch to find her -- www.nygirlofmydreams.com.

Unbelievably in a city of 8 million people, it only took Moberg 48
hours to track down the woman, with his phone ringing non-stop and
email box overflowing as usually cynical New Yorkers took sympathy on
the subway Romeo and joined his hunt.

The mysterious brunette was named as Camille Hayton, from Melbourne,
Australia, who was working as an intern at the magazine BlackBook and
also lived in Brooklyn. One of her friends spotted the sketched
picture on the Web site and recognized her.

But after finding each other, appearing on TV and getting
international press, the couple took their romance out of the public
eye, with Moberg closing down the Web site and with both refusing to
making any more comments -- until now.

Hayton told Australian newspaper The Sunday Telegraph that she dated
Moberg for about two months but it just didn't work out.

"I say we dated for a while but now we're just friends," Hayton, now
23, told the newspaper. "It's really nice that people embraced the
story. It is part of my life now."

Hayton said she is still recognized about three times a week on the
streets of Manhattan as "that girl"' and the question is always the
same: "So what happened?"

"I think the situation was so intense that it bonded us," she said,
adding it "bonded us in a way that you could mistake, I guess, for
being more romantic than it was. I don't know. But I wanted to give
it a go so I didn't wonder what if, what if?"

Hayton told The Sunday Telegraph that she is enjoying single life in
New York, keeping busy with acting classes, working in two vintage
clothing stores and as a waitress.

Last week she had a small role as a waitress in the long-running
daytime soap "As The World Turns" and last year she was an extra in a
"blink and you'd miss it" scene in the hit movie "Sex And The City."

"I just can't believe it happened. It feels like a long time ago,"
said Hayton.

Moberg, however, was still refusing to comment on the relationship.

"We've decided not to do any more press," he wrote in an e-mail to Reuters.

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The Relationship Artist: Dealing With Anxiety

Maintaining a relationship is tough enough let alone having to deal with your anxieties. As a result, here is a list of techniques and suggestions on what to do in managing your fears and anxieties while being in a relationship.

Learn as much as you can in managing anxiety and depression. There are many books and information that will educate you on how to deal with fear and anxiety. Share this information with the person who is struggling. Education is the key in finding the answers your looking for in managing your fears. In addition, be understanding and patient with the person struggling with their fears. Dealing with depression and anxiety can be difficult for the person so do not add more problems than what is already there.

Communication is the key in a relationship. Do not assume anything. When encountering stressful situations, always remember to get all of the facts of the given situation. Gathering the facts can prevent us from relying on exaggerated and fearful assumptions. By focusing on the facts, a person can rely on what is reality and what is not.

Remember take a deep breath and try to find something to do to get your mind off of you anxieties and stresses. A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper, watch TV, play on the computer or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things. This will distract you from your current worries.

Challenge your negative thinking with positive statements and realistic thinking. When encountering thoughts that make you feel lonely or depressed, challenge those thoughts by asking yourself questions that will maintain objectivity and common sense. For example, some people may think that if they fail in their current relationships then they will always be alone. This is not true. Even if your alone today does not mean that you will be alone all the time. No one can predict the future with one hundred percent accuracy.

A technique that is very helpful is to have a small notebook of positive statements that make us feel good. Whenever you come across an affirmation that makes you feel good, write it down in a small notebook that you can carry around with you in your pocket. Whenever you feel depressed, open up your small notebook and read those statements.

Sometimes, it helps to be able to talk to someone about the anxieties in our relationships. If possible, talk to a professional who can help you manage your fears and anxieties. They will be able to provide you with additional advice and insights on how to deal with your current problem. By talking to a professional, a person will be helping themselves in the long run because they will become better able to deal with their problems in the future.

Dealing with the fears and anxieties of a relationship can be sometimes be overwhelming. It takes persistence and a lot of practice to be able to manage our fears. Remember that all you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and take things in stride.

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The Relationship Artist: Finding Your Alone Time!

Many newlyweds want to spend a lot of time together, but at some point, the need for alone time is needed. For some couples, time alone is more necessary than for other couples. It's unusual when both people need the same amount of alone time or the same amount of together time, but if you happen to be with someone who's just like you, that may be the case. For most couples, however, one individual surfaces as the one who needs more time alone. This shouldn't be a problem, but for some it is.

If you happen to be the type of person who operates better in life when you've had some time alone to think, meditate, and enjoy your own solitude to unwind and decompress, it's important to make that clear to your spouse.

Many individuals in marriages are opposites - one is the introvert, and the other is the extrovert. The introvert naturally seeks more time alone. Introverts recharge their batteries by spending time alone. Being around people and interacting recharges extroverts.

If you're the extrovert in the family, it might be a good thing for you to make plans with your own friends once and a while, giving your introvert spouse some time alone. It might also be good to spend time alone, but yet, together in the same home. That's going to happen a lot, anyway. You might as well get used to it and learn to enjoy it. You could be working on a project or hobby and your spouse could be doing something else. Though the extrovert may desire more time together, every one needs time to discover more about themselves, separate from the other person.

Some couples, when they first marry, feel like they're still "playing house." One will be cooking and the other paying bills. They will run into each other from room to room and share a kiss, a moment, and then get back to that "alone time." Soon enough, the "together time" is desired and before you know it, couples find each other embraced or getting cozy on the couch watching a movie. All in all, it's just a matter of finding your own groove as a couple.

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The Relationship Artist: More Than One Soulmate!

When we grew up, we were exposed to all sorts of examples of relationships and romantic ideals from television shows, movies and music. Media has a big effect on how we think our relationships should be like. The most pronounced of these ideals is the "one true love". We tend to believe that there is only one true love for us. This is a big disappointment to the people who have already believed that they have had the "one", only for that relationship to end in divorce or break up. Alot of these folks really think that their shot for eternal love is over, and now they must resort to settling with a new partner........ a comfortable companion, but who will never match up to their lost love.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Any one of us has the possibility to connect again with another soulmate. There is not just one soulmate for each of us, but the real chance to know another soul as intimately as we did our true love. A soulmate is a person that you connect with on a spiritual level. Another person whose soul touches yours. It is not a lottery or crapshoot that you touch the soul of another, but a choice you make to do so. Too many people believe that they are not in control of whom they fall in love with, but like leaves in the wind, just end up where they may. A soulmate is a person that on one hand you may have known before in another life and you may instantly recognize, or on the other, someone you choose to reach out spiritually to and get to know on that level. Anyone around us has the possibility of being a true love. I don't believe there is just one of anything that beautiful.

If we do believe that there is only one true love, then we run into the possibility of becoming obsessed with that individual. You may end up sacrificing any part of you to be with or hang on to this lover. As we have discussed before, obsession is not an ingredient of a strong relationship. There is nothing more uncomfortable than thinking that we could lose forever the one and only love we can experience in our lives. That would make me a nervous wreck and I would not fully enjoy my relationship. I would put pressure on myself to be the best I could be. I may sacrifice interests, hobbies, friends, and beliefs to make sure the relationship stayed on a smooth path. Being the best you can be must be a choice you make, not a fear to be otherwise. It is all about choices. We have endless choices for happiness as long as we know it is up to us, and not at the whim of chance. We have all the power to make ourselves into anything we want to be. We have choices to discover, get to know better, touch their soul and fall in love with another person. We can heal from bad relationships knowing full well that the world is wide open to us and that we have learned many lessons that give us the wisdom to find an even stronger relationship.

Believe that if you made the choice, anyone around you could be the "one" if only you gave them the chance. Remember this......99% of the time we are only judging potential partners on how they look, what car they drive, how much money they have, quirks that get on our nerves or any number of risky first impressions. Why is looking at the soul of another only count for 1%? It should be the FIRST thing you look at in a potential lover and let the three dimensional chips fall where they may. Again, even if you believe that you have met your "one and only", do they really believe that of you? Relationships are funny in that one partner typically loves the other more. It is not equal in its intensity. Be careful that your perspective isn't running away with your sensibilities, meaning that from your perspective you know you have found your soulmate, but from his perspective you are just the "comfortable companion". Most couples can't communicate good enough to make it clear to themselves which is which. They keep their feelings to themselves because they are content with the status quo.......until they are gone. You have all the choices. Make the choice to look at the soul of anyone that may be around you. Give potential mates a chance. Even if no one else will do it this way, know that you will rise above the fray and express your power and belief that you will be happy. You will no longer be in the dark. Make your power of choice the shining light that illuminates your world for all to see. Light the path for others and inherit your reality. Make sure that you are "The One"........

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The Relationship Artist: Staying An Individual

As children, were are all taught that one of the most important things in life is to be an individual. To think, dream, and plan our life around our goals. After all, who knows us better than ourselves? Every thought we have is our own......no one elses. We create a reality all our own for us to exercise all the freedoms that we have to enjoy. Being an individual means that we take responsibility for every decision we make, whether good or bad. Deep inside, we all know this to be true. The greatest gift your life can give you is self realization and self worth. No one can ever take that from you.

individual - to be whole and undivided. to be a complete and perfect piece of a greater entity.

As I mentioned earlier, being a whole individual is what makes our dreams come true. It's when we feel complete within ourselves that it is easier to share our lives with others. It's OK to think about you, you, you. Be selfish for a change! The stronger an individual you are, the greater the impact on your relationships......and not just the romantic ones. In every relationship you have, people are counting on you to be whole, capable, happy, and dependable. Your friends and your lovers, your children, your neighbors...... your parents, your boss and even your employees......and most of all yourself, want and need you to be all that you can be. When we concern ourselves with our well being, everyone wins. We want to be happy. We need to be able to take care of ourselves. We should realize when we are in need of repair.

Think back to when we were children. Remember all the care free times? We played.....we dreamed.....the future was wide open. Often, we would envision what we would be like as adults. We saw ourselves as firemen and doctors, inventors and discoverers, space travelers and the President. We saw ourselves as superheroes. Being the best we could be. Happy, with the man or woman of our dreams.......having babies and living in cozy little houses. I know you remember. Why are children able to see the potential of everything they can be? Why as adults, do we have such a hard time realizing the exact same potential? How much of your childhood visions of yourself have held true? Are you who you thought you would be?

Each one of us is truly a superhero.

We can be the very best we can be. We have the ability to reach the stars. The key is being a whole individual. Physically, mentally, and spiritualy. You have to know that you are the most special person on Earth. Your self worth has to be in the forefront of your mind. There is a light that shines from the inside of your soul that is brighter than one million suns. It is a powerful force that nothing can extinguish. All of life's problems and stresses, unpaid bills and childhood traumas, may damage the ego but cannot touch the essence of who you are!

The superhero always wins.

Until you truly feel you are the superhero, entering into a love relationship will have it's issues. Is it clear to you what two whole, complete and perfect individuals in love can be like? That love can move mountains. You have to fill whatever void you may have in your soul before you can love another. Love yourself first. Make it a number one priority to find closure with your issues. Make it a priority to concern yourself with yourself first. We all have the responsibility to visualize ourselves being anything we want to be. Create for yourself a world of your dreams.....where anything is possible. Allow someone else in your world only when they deserve it and have earned it.

You are special. They have to earn it.

Make sure your potential mate is not half a person. You are not a hospital. The Love Boat was not a rescue ship. Love will have a hard time flourishing when you are pulling bucket loads of your life's essence to mend the holes in the soul of another. I may not know what love really is, but dependancy is what love is not.

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The Relationship Artist: Saying "I Love You"

Saying I love you is one of the most wonderful yet oddly unnerving experiences for someone in a new relationship. It says that you care about a person to an extent that they need to take notice. It also says that you might think more of them than they think of you. Therein lies the problem!



As beings of conscience, we do not like rejection. It hits too close to home; too close to our deepest fears. Saying I love you is like asking rejection over for a cup of tea. It slips in the door rather quietly then slaps you upside the head so hard you can’t be sure which way is up. All the while you’re left wondering how and why it is you brought this on yourself. Beings of conscience have natural instincts to preserve their well being and making verbal gestures of love that could go unrequited sets this instinct off.

"I love you is the greatest thing one person can say to another."

Yet saying those magical words is just what you find yourself ready to do. Maybe it struck you when you were feeling tomatoes in the produce department at your local grocery store or perhaps it came over you while on the bus into work. Whatever the case, when it hit, you knew it was true. You probably weren’t around this special person at the time of enlightenment, otherwise you would have leaned over and said I love you right away, right? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you were and you did and you got stunned silence in return or a tight ‘I think you’re really great, too.’ The point is that only one thing matters here. That is that someone loves another person and has or should have the courage to say it.

How long is life? For most, not nearly long enough. In that time you can only say I love you so many times. Again, it’s never enough. If you feel it in your heart, you owe it to yourself to say it. Love doesn’t belong inside of you. Sure, you need to love yourself, but it’s so much better to love someone else. Let them know when you feel it. Say it because there could be no tomorrow. Say it because it feels right. Don’t look for it in return. It will find you in time.

The best advice that can be given is to be open about how you feel. Worrying about how it will be received isn’t the point. Say it when you mean it. I love you is the greatest thing one person can say to another. Even fear of rejection can’t stand in the way of that.

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The Relationship Artist: The Commitment Phobe

Commitment phobia is rooted in fear -- fear of lost options or fear of making poor decisions. Most especially, commitment phobia is the fear and avoidance of having to commit to anything, but especially relationships. And like the proverb, it’s a double edged sword: on the one hand you avoid obligations, ties, and commitments yet at the same time the commitment phobic may secretly crave the lives of those who committed and the growth that those roots produced.

Commitment phobics are the women who say, "All men are jerks," or the men who claim, "Women are only out to get my money” – rationalisations to justify avoiding a committed relationship.

Men are generally considered more commitment-phobic than women, but recent research suggests that this might be a case of stereotyping, and that it is not necessarily a gender-specific thing.

Intimacy:

However, most commitment phobic men and women truly yearn for a deep and intimate relationship leading toward marriage, but fright causes them to butcher every dating opportunity they may get. Sex outside of marriage, or promiscuous behaviour fosters a false sense of intimacy, which feels really good at the time, but is only a fabrication based on how we think we should feel when we are having sex. It is the substitution of “instant gratification” at the expense of deep, lasting satisfying soul-love.

Relationships:

In romantic relationships, the paradox is that the commitment phobic craves what he/she fears most: love and connection. When we speak of commitment phobia among singles, we are referring to folks who avoid committing to long term relationships such as marriage. Previous abusive relationships, intimacy issues or traumatic childhood experiences could be causes for this kind of commitment avoidance. Another possibility is that the child might have witnessed, or been a victim of, poor role models, or even abusive relationships during those formative years. Not surprisingly, this can (consciously or unconsciously) colour the way they feel and take part in relationships as an adult, too.

Statistics show that we are happier and more well-adjusted when we are in committed relationships. According to psychologists, the commitment phobes behave like this because they suffer from certain beliefs about relationships. Rather than being harmful, commitment-phobia is a healthy fear that will prevent you from jumping into new relationships before you are ready. At this point you may form temporary friendships and love relationships in order to "get your feet wet" again.

Rather than being harmful, commitment phobia may be seen as a healthy fear that will prevent you from jumping into new relationships before you are ready. Struggling against the fear of commitment often pays off because being able to share your life with someone you really care for can be wonderful.

Meanwhile, think on this: “Commitment phobia has its roots in the belief that when we love someone, we are responsible for their feelings rather than for our own.”

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The Relationship Artist: Soulmates - One Girl's Story

" ....when we held hands, a warm peace flowed through my soul.

The night I met Alex, I almost could tell there was something different in the air. I was just going to a get together with some friends, but I had a strange nervous feeling like something was up. It was like I already knew I was going to meet him. Alex is the brother of one my close friends and I had seen a few pictures of him, but this was far different. The minute we met I felt as if I had known him my whole life. There was a recognition....we both felt it. It was an instant comfort. A warmth that quickly encased my body..... something more intense than sexual attraction. As we talked, we found that we had so much in common. Not things like favorite teams or t.v. shows, but the way we felt about life, relationships, and spiritual beliefs. The very fact that I was even talking to someone I had just met two hours earlier about these personal things made me very emotional. I have friends I have known for years that don't know my views on alot of these issues. Talking to him.......it felt easy and natural.
There was an attraction in every part of my being. I felt a glow inside.

It's hard to put into words, but it was as if the attraction was literally beyond ourselves. It seemed to come from a higher place. It was almost as if our souls were falling in love in Heaven. I felt a wanting to be near him because I felt safe. There was an instinctive trust that felt more right than any feeling I had ever experienced. I offered my hand for his. When we touched it was electric. I felt as if we were one and that I understood him completely. When we held hands, a warm peace flowed through my soul. I could have stayed there forever. It was the most comfortable feeling I had ever felt.....like I was in a far away place. At that moment, I had no stress, no worries, no fears. All I could see was him. A beautiful light shined from within him. The background noise of the party sounded as if it was a mile away and I no longer remembered where I was. We were in our own world......our own universe, completely oblivious to anything around us. As our souls embraced in Heaven, Alex and I went for the ride of our lives. It was a feeling far beyond our control. It was beautiful. It was perfect. It took my breath away.....

In the two years since I met Alex, our relationship has grown deeper with every passing day. I love him unconditionally. And that, Colin, is the greatest of all feelings. To absolutely trust someone and to never feel judged, to wholly know someone so deeply and intimately, is God's greatest gift to us. I hold that gift close to my heart and soul with every fiber of my being.....the precious gift of being with my soulmate. We stand as one in our world. We share our deepest feelings and we embrace our warmest dreams. We will always be there for each other and we always have. We have been there for each other for a thousand lifetimes, and together we will share a thousand more. We make our lives as we want it to be.....together. We create our opportunities and we visualize our future.....together.

Sometimes I believe that this relationship is the true reason for why I was brought down to this earth, it is that important to me. What we have created, Alex and I, cannot be put into words. It gives my life meaning. More so than money, career, or applause. It is what it truly means to be alive.
So, Colin, I really have no questions to ask. It felt great to try and put on paper what a soulmate means to me. It is a feeling of beauty and awe so precious that it is my wish that everyone may fall in love to the ultimate degree as I have, and it means alot to have shared my gift with you. I've read all the weekly 'love magazines', and there is a How to Meet Your Soulmate article in every other issue. But there is no mistaking it when it happens. You'll be sure of it and you'll know it to be true down to the very foundations of your existence. Love creates a force stronger than anything in the universe. You are no longer alone....."

- Denise P. Orlando, FL

Thank you Denise for your beautiful e-mail. I thought I would share this with everyone.......it made a big impact on me. -colin...

What's your story? Share it with me and the world! - relationshipartist@writeme.com

Create The Lovelife you need!

The Relationship Artist Says: "No More Broken Hearts!"