The Relationship Artist: Staying Together

....dateline....May 23, 2008.....U.K...

Frank, 100, and Anita, 99, today celebrate their 80th wedding anniversary, equalling the record for England’s longest-ever marriage....
The pair met in 1926 at a YMCA dance in their home town of Plymouth. They married two years later, on May 26, 1928, and after the register office ceremony, popped to the cinema to catch a Charlie Chaplin film.

Most of us have wondered at one time or another (in one relationship or another) if that someone special was going to be "the one." While no one can be 100% sure where a couple's romantic future will lead, one researcher claims he can determine a couple's long-term prospects with a wildly high degree of accuracy.

John Gottman, Ph.D., a professor emeritus of psychology at the University of Washington, has been observing couples for three decades now. In one landmark study, he recorded 15 minutes of conversations from 700 couples, comparing the number of positive interactions they displayed toward each other (such as smiles or compliments) to the number of negative ones (eye-rolls, sarcasm, or criticism). From that data, Gottman determined that healthy couples generally adhere to a "magic ratio" of 5 to 1.

That is, a minimum of five positive comments or gestures for every negative one. Ten years later, Dr. Gottman and his colleagues checked back with the couples they recorded to see who were still together. They found that their predictions were 94% accurate!

So, while you're probably not going to sit down and record yourself with your sweetie (and even Gottman doesn't suggest you do), what you can do to assess your relationship's chances is try to stay "generally positive." With that idea in mind, the ratio should take care of itself.

"Couples who avoid saying every critical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest" according to the Love Doctor. This doesn't mean keeping your feelings to yourself though, Gottman explains. It means reframing the way you present them. So instead of saying: "We're not staying at your parent's this Christmas, are we? They drive me nuts," try this: "I'd love it if we stayed at a hotel over Christmas, it would make relaxing much easier for both of us."

Tips On How To Make Your Love Last....

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The Relationship Artist: Gain Power Through Listening!

Listening is one of the most important skills you can learn in life. Whether it is with your family, work or with your friends, listening is the key to find out and understand information you need to know.

There are different kinds and levels of conversation. There are conversations that are like ping pong, a natural back and forth exchange. Some are light and some more in depth interactions.

These tips will facilitate a more meaningful conversation as well as show respect to someone who wants to share something significant with you. These skills will work in casual situations with family and friends or more formal situations at work.

1. Allow the person to fully express themselves and their feelings without interrupting. This takes responsibility on our part and humility. We humble ourselves when we set aside our own desire to be heard and listen to someone else. The interesting thing is when you are willing to listen to someone else, they usually return the favor and show interest in listening to you as well.

2. Be present with them. If you are in person, look them in the eye.

When you walk or eat together or on the phone and it would be awkward for continual eye contact, make sure you simply let them know you are with them. Let it come natural but be present.

3. Listen with your heart, not just your mind. Get a feeling of empathy for what they experienced or felt.

When you develop listening skills, you will have power in your relationships. There are many more tips to effective listening and ways to work though conflict and have peace in your relationships.

Get more great tips for a powerful relationship!

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The Relationship Artist: Date Yourself First!

Dating is a beautiful way to find a partner. Dating gives us an opportunity to know our prospective partner better and vice versa. With dating, we can decide if we are made for each other? If we succeed in taking a proper decision we will have a smooth life ahead that will have no pot holes on the way. Before we begin dating, should we not know ourselves better? Our personality, our strengths and weaknesses and what are we seeking from our partner?

Do you want to find someone who you can love as much as you want, or are you looking for someone who will love you to satisfy your need of being loved? This is important to know. Some of us never got as much love as we wanted, so we look around for a partner who will make us feel satisfied and worthy of love. Or we may wish to find a person who we can love to our hearts desire. This is important distinction and please look into your motives before searching for a dating partner. In either of the cases you will be looking forward to a different kind of person to succeed.

Are you confident about yourself? Do you feel threatened if you commit? Does the thought of living with someone you know only for a small time fill you with anxiety? Many of us are not ready to commit at all. After some time of dating, such people break the relationship because they feel threatened. If you are such a person, think about your mental makeup carefully and better talk about this to your dating partner or a friend in whom you have faith. Feeling threatened will always make you back out at the last moment and your efforts will always go waste without your realizing the real reason.

Are you looking for a partner who will protect you from this world? Like a little kid, do you want to go back to Mom and feel safe. If that is the case, please search for someone who wants to protect his/her beloved. To know about yourself and to find out what you are seeking in a relationship that will make you happy is essential to find out who fits the bill for you. Please find out more about yourself before entering the beautiful game of dating.

Get more great tips on dating and making the most of your romance here!

"No More Broken Hearts" The Relationship Artist!

The Relationship Artist: Your Life Is Not For Rent

The Relationship Artist: Your Life Is Not For Rent

That's right. You are not for rent.
What I mean is that you have to stand up for your values and your beliefs. You own those things.....no one else.
Just because you enter into a relationship does not mean that you give away everything that you are. Take a long look at your relationship.

How much are you giving away?

Not only am I talking about posessions such as your money, your car, and your living space, but intangibles such as your emotions, your energy, and your beliefs. Throw in your time, your love and your trust, and it becomes a very empty situation. These are valueable things that we spend most of our adult lives building and refining. They make us feel secure and comfortable and when all the small pieces fit together, define who we are.

We need to understand the difference between sharing and giving away. Of course we want to share the things we have with someone we love, but when do we start to give and give to either fill the percieved voids we think we see in others, or worse yet.....to try and keep someone in our lives.
Your life is not for rent. Your not going to let just anyone move in.

Two individuals that are whole and complete share all the wonderful things that they value with each other. They share stories and secrets. They share experiences and dreams. They are building something very powerful together. They learn so much from each other that they feel enlightened and happy. As each individual grows, the more they have to share with their loved one. This is the kind of relationship that's important to you and it's the kind of love that will last.

All to often, we give to try to make someone happy. We give to show them that we care. We give because the better we get to know someone, we begin to see the imperfections we did'nt pay attention to when we fell in love. In a gesture to 'get back' to the way we felt about them when we were in the throws of love, we give to try and patch up the voids we see and to 'fix' the situation. This can seem basically harmless at first until we feel the drain. Financially, emotionally.....it does'nt matter. We are pulling from ourselves to fill the holes we see.

I know we are brought up to care for people. Especially those we see that are not as fortunate as us. But you have to learn to say "NO." You can't fix people. Why would we think that we can? It is up to them. If they really care, they will look inside themselves and find the strength to make changes. A beautiful, caring relationship is a rare thing. You know that. We spend a majority of our lives looking for that elusive unshakeable love.

If your partner does'nt see the beauty and rarity.....they are not for you. If being the best that they can be is not priority number one......they are not for you. If you are too busy babysitting your partner's problems, issues, and feelings, you may be missing out on meeting the love of your life. Your relationship will be a disaster and it's going to hurt.
And remember this...... don't believe that you are so smart as to have all the answers to fix someone's life long problems. It is a struggle for trained psychologists to even begin to help, and that can take years of therapy with no guarantee of results. First and foremost, it is up to each one of us to address our own issues and find the help we need. Playing "Doctor" was fun when we were children, but it is a whole different ballgame now.

Your life is not for rent. You own it. All the good, and all the bad. It is YOUR life. No one elses. Stand up for yourself, your values, your beliefs, and your dreams. If someone who has'nt earned your love is trying to set up house in your life, just tell them "NO".........

"No More Broken Hearts!"

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