The Relationship Artist: Are You A Commitment Phobe?

Your relationships are short-lived. Maybe you've been hurt in the past and are waiting for the perfect relationship. You think you're just being picky, but are starting to wonder if you might be commitment phobic. Everyone gets scared at the beginning of a new relationship, but you can learn whether your fears are justified or simply an excuse to keep from getting too close.

* Ask yourself some tough questions. Do you start hyper-analyzing a person's character traits before getting to know them? Are you unrealistic about your expectations? Have you passed up potential partners because you're waiting for the "perfect" mate? Answering these questions will help you realize whether your expectations are too high, thus setting you up to fail in relationships.

* Evaluate your past relationships. First decide if past relationships might be causing your trepidation. Were you hurt and now you're scared? Or do you feel as if you settled in the past and are now unwilling to accept less than your ideal partner? Take a deep look at these relationships and decide if they are affecting your current behavior.

* Decide what is important to you now. Regardless of past mistakes, what values, characteristics and personality traits do you need from a potential partner? Agree to have strong preferences, but allow room for someone who may not be perfect, but has a lot of the traits you desire.

* Forgive yourself. Once you realize that you might be sabotaging relationships because of a fear of commitment, forgive yourself and take positive steps to open yourself up to relationships. Once you forgive yourself you are more able to forgive others for their shortcomings.

* Realize that no one is perfect. Mr. or Ms. good enough may be the one you've been waiting for. Commitment phobia, waiting for an impossible dream, could be holding you back. Take the time to get to know someone you might not previously have thought held potential. He or she could be your dream mate.

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